I Want...

I have everything in life I could possibly need.  I have food, shelter, clothing, love, respect, happiness, a job, a car, life, faith, hope, joy and peace.

However, there are some things that I just WANT.

• I want a new front bumper for my car.  I cracked the one I have last winter when I slid into a truck.
• I want a computer for my son.
• I want a house for my sister...preferrably one in Minnesota (yes, Courtney, in Minnesota!)
• I want the girls in my youth group NOT to have dads in treatment, moms in jail and houses without heat or water.
• I want my students NOT to live in houses where parties go on 24/7.
• I want my nephew to be healthy...all the time.
• I want my brothers to be happy, successful and God fearing.
• I want my parents to know that I love them.
• I want my kids to know that I'm proud of them.
• I want some strawberry shortcake with fresh strawberries and real whipped cream.

Day Off

I had the day off today.  If you live in Northern MN you know why. 

I woke up this morning at 6:30, ready to eat, shower, get dressed and head to school for the first day of the new semester.  I was excited about starting new classes and having new students.  As Beau and I were eating breakfast I thought I'd turn on the news just in case school was delayed because of the icy roads.  Lo and Behold my school was closed for the day!  As I jumped for joy in my living room we waited for the scroll at the bottom of the TV screen to get to Beau's school................nope.  I had the day off and he did not.

At 7:30 I drove Beau over to his school and came back home.  Guess what I did?  Yep!  I crawled right back into my nice, warm, cozy bed and grabbed two more hours of sleep.

Thank you Lord for simple pleasures!

Grandpa

I just heard that my Grandpa is in the hospital tonight.  I think he'll be okay...he has some dizzyness, pain, etc.  My Grandpa is pretty tough, nearly indestructable and build to last forever.

When I think of him I don't ever see him as an "old man".  In my eyes he will never be frail, weak or less than heroic.  He will always be a giant of a man.

Memories of my Grandpa include times at the cabin, shopping trips, promises of ponies and trips to Disneyworld (they never came true, but it didn't matter to me).  Grandpa would sing to us, speak Finnish and always tell us how much we were loved. 

Over the years Grandpa told so many stories.  Stories of when he was growing up, stories of his days in the war, stories of operating the crane and stories of driving the school bus.  He loves everything he does and takes joy in the blessings God gives him.  And he loves us. 

One Christmas, Grandpa recited Psalm 23 in his native language.  I wish I had recorded it so I could listen to it again. 

I love my Grandpa so very much.  He truly will live forever...this I know.

Birthday Girl

In three more days I will be celebrating the 20th anniversary of the birth of my first child.

She is beautiful, amazing, talented, intelligent, loving and hilarious.

Molly was born beautiful. She brightened the whole world with her smile. Her eyes would light up and everyone else would feel they had to smile too...it was contagious. I remember when she would get in trouble and would look up at me with those big eyes wide open, a little pouting grin on her face, and say, "But, Mom, don't you looooove me?" She still got her spanking...but I loved her even more.

Molly and I would dance on the coffee table with the music turned up loud. We danced in the car too...and sang really loud. I would put her hair in curlers, add a little eye shadow and lipstick and we would have a photo shoot. We made a cardboard box into a boat and she paddled it through the living room with a wooden spoon. She made up songs and sang them to me…”Boom-boom mommy-mommy and a grape-a grape-a”.

I have pictures of her hugging the Christmas tree...for about five Christmases in a row. Also pictures of her imitating a cat, picking her nose, running around naked and making an endless parade of funny and weird faces. At times she would laugh so hard at herself I would make her put her head down between her knees until she got herself under control. She would make up funny stories and jokes and could literally entertain me for hours.

Whenever we were out and about Molly would hold my hand; not because she was scared of getting lost, but because she just wanted to be next to me. She was a truly loving daughter. Even as a teenager she would snuggle with me at night, give me hugs and kisses and tell me how much she loved me.

We went to the movies together...I remember she and her friend hiding under the theater seats because they were too scared to watch the movie. We read books, watched TV, played games and just hung out.

Molly has now ventured out to experience her own life. I miss her every day. I love her even more than I did on the day she was born. She was my greatest adventure and is my greatest accomplishment. Words cannot express what she means to me and how so very, very much I love her.

Happy Birthday Molly

Book of Eli

I went to see The Book of Eli tonight.  It was an incredible movie.  Full of what I like...danger, fighting, shooting, disaster, etc.  But also full of what I love...redemption, love, the power of God and the strength and courage of the man who follows Him.

The movie was great, but the feeling inside of me when the movie was over was even better.  It was a reminder of what is important; of the Purpose we have; of the call to live that Purpose no matter what.

God is good.  All the time.

Can I Have a Snack?

My son has an addiction.  He must eat.  Alot.  All the time.  When I feed him (which I do so very often) he consumes his food like he's a dying man.  Ten minutes later this is what I hear..."Mom, I'm hungry.  Can I have a snack?"

I say to him, "You cannot possibly be hungry.  You just ate an entire meal."

"I'm STARVING."

"That's not possible, Honey."

"Mom.  Please.  I need more food."

Another thing.  Let's talk about the definition of snack.  I, like most of the world, define a snack as a small helping of food to stave off hunger pains until the next mealtime.  Something like a piece of fruit, a granola bar, a small dish of pudding, etc. are all acceptable in my definition of snack.  Not so with the son.  I say, "Would you like a chocolate chip muffin?"  He says, "Can I have three?"

It's 9:00 as I write this post and I've just told him to put his book away and go to bed.  Guess what he said.

Forward, Not Back

There's always a way forward, but there's no way back. To dwell in the past is to wallow in the unchangeable. The past is for memories; it’s a place to visit with fondness and to leave behind with joy.

No, this is not a famous quote…I came up with it all by myself.

Life=Good

Life is good.  In spite of (or maybe because of) the twists, turns and troubles, I am increasingly happy with my place in this world.  I have everything I need...and many of the things I just want.  My life is full of love, joy, faith, peace and hope.  Love for and from my family and my friends; joy in the simple things each day brings; faith in what God has in store; peace of heart and mind; and hope for the things yet to come.

Today was an especially trying day.  I had to resolve issues that were far from pleasant.  Tomorrow will be difficult as well, as I complete the process.  But, through it all, I hold on to the knowledge that my life is GOOD...so very, very good.

Resolution #3: The LIST

Resolution #3 is to live my life in such a way that I am constantly moving toward my goals.  For example, I want to get married again (someday).  If that's my goal, then why would I waste my time dating men who just don't fit the bill?  How do I know if they fit the bill...you may ask?  Well...I have a LIST.

Yes, I have a LIST of the Ten Things I Require in a Husband (you may be thinking to yourself that it's possible I'm a teeny bit controlling, uptight and/or anal.  Think what you may...I still have my list).

Here it is:

• He makes me laugh.
• He has a stable career and his own home.
• He likes my kids and they like him.
• He is confident enough to do and say what he wants without worrying about what other people think.
• He is well read.  I can share books with him.
• He is intelligent and capable of conversing on any topic.
• He follows, trusts and depends on the same God as I do.
• He loves me more than he loves himself.
• If the world fell apart, I would want him to be my partner.
• He doesn't need me...but he loves me.

At times in my life I have dated men who meet most of these requirements, but never all of them.  My sister tells me I'm too picky.  She thinks I need to lower my standards.  I think I should never settle for less than exactly what I want.

Resolutions

This year I've made a few resolutions.  I'm trying to be realistic about what I choose to resolve.  For instance, becoming a millionaire and looking like a super model are not on my list. 

One resolution was to create a blog.  Ta Da!!! I did it!  I actually started it in 2009 but it took me awhile to figure out how to make it work just right.  I was inspired by my sister who started a blog some time ago to keep family members updated on what was going on in her life...and...since my life is so interesting and full of intrigue and adventure, I thought it only fair that I share it with the world.  My mom is blogging now too and I love reading her posts.  And one of my students shared with me her blog...nice job, Kayla!

Resolution number two is to keep track of all the books I read this year.  I read like crazy.  I'm posting my list here...let me know if you have any suggestions.

Resolution number three is to live my life in such a way that I am constantly moving toward my goals.  More on that later...

Listen

It's the little things.  A student told me today that I am the only teacher she can talk to.  The other ones don't listen to her and just brush her off because they're too busy, she says.  Too busy?  Too busy to listen to one of the people whose life you will be molding and shaping?  Too busy to find out what's going on in the life of a young person who relies on you to impart wisdom, stability and a good example?  Too busy to do the job you chose?  Hmmm...

My teenage students don't seek me out very often, but when they do you can bet I'm listening.

Serenity, Courage and Wisdom

I was reminded tonight of the Serenity Prayer...

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

As I explained the meaning of this prayer to my son I realized the meaning it has for me.  My life isn't perfect.  In fact, it's flawed in ways too numerous to count.  But I don't look back.  I don't worry about the "what ifs", the "if onlys" or the "should have beens".  To quote my mother, "It is what it is."  I can't change the past.  What's done is done.  However, I can change how I handle it, what I learned from it, and where I'm going from here.

Lord, give me the peace of accepting those things that cannot be changed.  Give me the strength of spirit to change what I can.  And, Lord, fill me with Your wisdom, that I may know Your plan for me.

Cold Feet

My son came home from his dad's today.  He was gone for six days.  It's insane how much I love that boy.  When he's gone I don't really know what to do with myself.  Weird...I know.

He came home with frostbite on both feet.  His toes and the soles of his feet have white spots on them and he says they hurt really bad.  No blisters or bruising...yet.  It's hard for him to walk because it hurts when his toes touch his shoes.  I'm not sure what we're going to do yet since we both have to go back to school tomorrow. 

He's happy to be home.  He's tired and a little bit cranky, but he's also very snuggly and lovey (which I LOVE!!!)  I'm going to slather his feet with Eucerin and tuck him into bed.

Wendy

31 degrees below zero when I woke up this morning.  Brrrrr.  I couldn't get my car started.  It's a 2002 Mazda and it was parked in the garage.  My sister's car is a 1998 Mazda and it was parked outside...it started.  My sister named her car.  She talks to it all the time and says nice things.  Maybe that's why it started.  Maybe she has appealed to it's sensitive side?  Maybe I need to name my car and whisper sweet nothings to it when it's cold outside.

I had a car with a name once.  It was a black Grand Am.  She was pretty and she was fast.  Her name was Wendy.  Wendy was the name I used when I went out dancing with my friends.  We would meet boys and they would ask me what my name was.  It was usually better to keep details like that to myself.  One day this boy gets my number from one of my friends and calls my parent's house and asks for Wendy.  I hear my mom saying that he has the wrong number.  I said, "Is he asking for Wendy?"  My mom says, "Yes", and I tell her that it's for me.

New Year...New You?

2009 has come and gone and I have gracefully stepped into 2010.  This is usually the time I make all sorts of promises (i.e. resolutions) to myself that, if followed, will result in a brand new ME.

This year I've decided I'm perfectly happy with the old me.